


I beg you

by rainbowRamen



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dreams, Edelgard is the definition of ANGST here lads, F/F, Hubert is there but he doesn't physically appear, Hurt/Comfort, Introspection, Pining, Somewhat, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 05:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26930083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainbowRamen/pseuds/rainbowRamen
Summary: The first night, she begins to have strange dreams.
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg/My Unit | Byleth
Comments: 3
Kudos: 43





	I beg you

**Author's Note:**

> YES I AM NOT DEAD HOORAY
> 
> I've been having a MASSIVE 3H burnout for these past few months, and I'm also planning/working on a big AU project for another fandom that's been sucking the FUCK out of my time so there's that lmfao
> 
> I got the brainworm for this one though and I instantly jumped at the chance to HOPEFULLY get out of my 3H slump. Will it return after this? I hope not.
> 
> This fic takes place about 3 years after Byleth's disappearance, the war is at a stalemate, and Edelgard's pretty much given up on everything. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> (Title is taken from 'I beg you' by Aimer)

The first night, she begins to have strange dreams.

"Have you had enough?" The voice asks her. A soft-spoken, hushed whisper, like that of a mother soothing her child to bed. The one she sees is almost _too_ familiar. That beautiful green hair, that kind voice, those _eyes_.

Without hesitation, she replies with a clipped tone, "I can still keep going." Every day is torture to her. Knowing of _her_ is torture. She refuses to admit it, only able to stubbornly cling on to the fragments of the sanity that slips from her fingers more and more with every time the sun rises. For her dear teacher to appear in her mind, in this dream like that, so close to the point she could grasp that coat in her hands, yet knowing the moment she opens her eyes this illusion would end...

Is this punishment? This must be retribution for all the sins she's committed in the past, catching up with her.

_"I can still keep going."_

That sentence alone is a lie, but she hopes that it's convincing enough. The woman before her shakes her head slightly, her expression almost _pitiful_ , sympathetic, yet she says nothing.

Hands curling into fists, she averts her gaze from the woman, not wanting to see her face, that expression, any more. Does this dream mean anything? She doubts it. Silver hair falling around her face like a curtain, her violet eyes are trained on the ground. The sound of the void looming over the two hurts. The image of _her_ face, looking down at her so sadly, burns itself in her mind.

_Stop, no, go away, end **NOW** \--_

She forces her eyes to open. Only her room greets her back. For once, she's grateful for it. Blinking a few times, she looks around silently. Nothing out of the ordinary. The woman, no, her _professor_ that had so rudely visited her in her dream is nowhere to be seen. It's just her and her room. The sunlight filters in through the curtains, faint rays that illuminate the windowsill with light.

What had that dream meant?

The memory is still far too fresh in her mind.

_"I can still keep going."_

She scoffs to herself as her gaze drifts to the armored bear stuffy that sits innocently on the windowsill. What a stupid answer. Who was she trying to fool?

Herself, perhaps. She's trying to fool herself. From a long time ago she's given up on seeing her teacher, no - _Byleth_ \- again, but her pride doesn't want to yield just yet. _Pride_. It's nothing but an inconvenience. 

If she could go back to that ephemeral illusion, would there be nothing? Would she be waiting there, to call her name?

_"Edelgard."_

Oh, that voice, that _hand_ \- she wants it back. The scent of that grey coat, the nights they spent together when they couldn't sleep, the smiles they exchanged. She wants them back, how she wants them back. Though she's long accepted that it would never come true, the daydreamer part of her likes to think about it from time to time. Sighing, she mumbles something incomprehensible under her breath as she drags herself out of bed.

For the first time in a very long time, she dreads the night.

* * *

Byleth returns again the second night, as she'd expected. With that same expression she wore the previous time, she asks again, "How about now?"

She doesn't need to think about her answer. Just like that, again, she hisses a bald-faced, _obvious_ lie.

"Not yet."

It's enough. Just those two words are enough. It's obviously untrue, she knows that Byleth can _see_ right through her with those piercing green eyes. But still, she manages a practiced, fake _'I'm fine'_ smile. Distantly, she hears voices sneering at her, overlapping over each other until she can't tell which one is which, but she ignores them. It's merely silence to her. It grates at her ears all the same.

"I'm fine," she mutters, a little more hesitantly than the previous night. Even words have failed her. It's so, so _cold._ Byleth stares at her for a few seconds, before she speaks.

"I suppose you're right," she mumbles, "the end isn't quite visible just yet."

What does that even mean? Edelgard wants to ask, but she swallows the words down instead. Byleth probably wouldn't even answer anyway. Lost in her thoughts, she doesn't even register Byleth bending down to meet her face to face, bright green eyes piercing deep into violet ones. She visibly flinches, but for some strange reason, doesn't back away.

Her beloved professor reaches out to cup her cheek with a gentle hand. "You have a long day ahead of you," she notes with a sad smile, "so you should get some rest, Edelgard." She lovingly, soothingly strokes Edelgard's cheek with a thumb as she leans forward, _closer_. "Hold your breath...

 _ **Now**_."

Something in her seizes, cutting off her very breath, and for that split second she can't think. She awakes with a sharp jolt, panting, sweating. Almost instinctively, she surveys the room in a panicked frenzy, just to make sure that _it'd been a dream._

No, it'd been far too vivid. The way her throat tightened, how she could _feel_ her breaths leaving her. Slowly, she reaches up to touch her neck. It'd felt as though someone had been choking her.

She glances at the clock on the wall. It reads 9:30am.

"Ah," she remarks to no one but herself in an attempt to chase _Byleth_ out of her head (and not really succeeding), placing a hand on her forehead, "I should go get ready."

* * *

The words of the business proposal before her blend together in a confusing, jumbled mess. She taps her foot impatiently, her grip on the quill so hard it could snap in half. Her eyes scan the words imprinted upon the thin paper in bold, black ink. The stack of papers beside her is absolutely _massive,_ and she can't focus at all. The previous night, that dream, is all she can think about. It'd been so scarily real. So vivid. She can't stop the clamoring in her head just _thinking_ about it.

_"I'm fine."_

She thinks about her reply to Byleth. What a joke, she's obviously _not_ fine. After all, she knows this better than anyone else. The lost hope that keeps trying to claw its way into her mind every time she tells herself that Byleth's never coming back. It's so intrusive. Disturbing. Her stomach churns uncomfortably just at the thought of it. The very idea of hope was never there from the start.

The proposal is still there. She has to finish it, but she got distracted. Great, now a reread of the entire document is due.

_"This document is written in concern for our current finances. We've been trying to find a way that's both efficient and effective for all of us and the citizens. How about we--"_

_Stop._ She slams the quill down loudly, hard enough the paper before her almost jumps.No matter what she does, she really can't take her mind off Byleth. It's pathetic, she distantly thinks. Even now, she can feel those _thoughts_ worming their way into her mind, trying to feed her any scrap of _Byleth_ they can find. Edelgard wants to see her again. Shaking her head, she goes back to reading the document.

_"To Your Majesty, Emperor Edelgard, I would like to propose a new method that will help strengthen our ties with the nearby islands. I believe that trade will be important for us and we wouldbenefitfromitimmenselypleaseconsiderthefollowingidea--BYLETH BYLETH BYLETH BYLETH **BYLETHBYLETHBYLETHBYLETHBYLETH** "_

She winces, clutching her head in a hand, desperately trying to fight the onslaught of thoughts, failing miserably. She _can't control them_. All this time, she's been able to keep them down, been able to ignore them, so why? _Why won't they go away?_

Slowly, struggling to catch her breath, she ignores her racing heart, her rapid train of thought, picking the quill back up and looks over the document once more. _Read it properly this time._

 _"...would like to propose a new method that will help strengthen our ties with the nearby islands--"_ she pauses, chewing nervously on the tip of her quill, violet eyes scanning the words back and forth. What would Byleth think of that? Would she find that shrewd? Would she call that clever? _"I believe that trade will be important for us--"_ An 'I' statement. A definitive proclamation. Byleth would admire confidence. Would she consider that selfish? Arrogant? Or would she smile that smile of hers and nod in approval?

Anxiously, Edelgard drums her fingers against the table, grip on the quill tightening, eyebrows furrowing in frustration. The sound of the ticking clock and her fingers rapping on the wooden desk are the only things to fill the deafening silence, a white noise that pierces her ears. She bites the quill's tip harder, the words becoming a blur all over again.

 _"...and we would benefit from it immensely, please consider the following idea."_ She stops to read the rest. It's a good idea, to strengthen the relationship between Adrestia and the nearby islands to increase trade and help the economy more. Pulling the quill from her mouth to dip the tip into the inkwell of slowly drying ink, she thinks for a few moments, then brings the ink-dipped quill onto the paper, hand trembling as she writes.

 _"Thank you for your suggestion,"_ she starts off with a simple thank you, _"I agree with your idea, however, please give me a few days to think over it. It's a big plan you've suggested, so I would like some time before making my decision."_

 _"To think over it,"_ she'd written. It's just an excuse. Letting out a breath she doesn't know she'd been holding, she places the quill into its holder, finally putting the damn proposal to the side. The sound of the quill writing on the paper that had previously filled the air is now gone, leaving behind a silence that she absolutely hates.

So when a knock comes on the door, she's relieved for some odd reason. The voice behind the other side speaks with a familiar, drawling, dark tone, "Lady Edelgard, may I have a word?"

She sighs tiredly, having forgotten the day isn't quite over.

"Come in."

* * *

The third night, Byleth is still there.

 _Of course_ she is. She's not going away any time soon. It's all too real, even though this is a dream. It has to be. But she's _there_. The one Edelgard had longed for, had given up hope on, is right there before her.

It's a little chillier than usual. She finds that she can't bring herself to stand up, her legs refusing to move, only able to look up at Byleth's face, so filled with pain.

It hurts to look at. It hurts to think about.

"Edelgard..." Byleth whispers, a look that screams _'you poor thing'_ written all over her face.

Edelgard holds up a hand to stop her. "Please, my teacher. Don't say any more." She can't say that she couldn't focus at all on her work today, her head only filled with Byleth, intrusive thoughts that invade her head and refuse to go away, leaving her confused and with that stupid pride of hers even more determined to hold on to those last fragments of hope she can't remove.

Byleth ignores her request, asking her that question that's been haunting her ever since this whole thing began. "What about now?"

She knows exactly what Byleth is referring to. God, it hurts to say. It feels like she can't breathe. The words get stuck in her throat, and she's unable to reply, unable to speak, unable to _lie_. Yes, everything seems like a lie now. Her words, her actions, her emotions. Every waking moment with Byleth is painful. Is this, perhaps, God's punishment? Is this how she must atone for everything she's done up to now?

It seems fitting enough.

Fitting enough, for a liar like her. Even though she knows all too well the blood-stained path that she's taken and has no choice but to keep walking, she's a _liar_. A murderer, for the sake of freeing the world from the Crests.

Perhaps her consciousness is reflecting back an image of Byleth as a reminder that this is the road she's chosen. The path she must take. She will, no, she _has to_ succeed, so that no one else will have to suffer under the injustice of the Crests, from the tyranny of the Church.

She finds that she can't quite tear her eyes away from Byleth. That feeling of _longing_ , of _hope,_ that she'd thought she stashed away long ago claws its way to the surface of her mind.

And again, Byleth asks.

"So, have you had enough?"

Edelgard chokes on her own words. She can't get them out. Instead of the things she really wants to say, all that comes out is a pathetic noise, a sorry excuse for a reply. Wordlessly, she looks back up at Byleth. Those eyes that look deep into her, piercing through her very soul, a silent pity, that sad expression that tears at Edelgard's very being.

Her vision goes hazy, watery. Tears she hadn't even known were there begin to well up. Though she tries to wipe them away immediately, they don't go away, escaping her violet eyes and rolling down her cheeks. One drop, two, then three, cascading down her face like a waterfall. A sob wracks through her as her gaze returns to the ground.

_Hold it back, **hold it back** \--!!_

But she can't. She _can't_. Nothing she tries works. Blinking them away, wiping them off, screaming at herself to stop crying, none of it works. She jolts when she feels Byleth's hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," Byleth soothes, a voice she's missed far too much, "it's alright."

"But I--"

Byleth places a finger to Edelgard's lips with her free hand. "Shh. It's okay. Look at me."

Slowly, she looks up to meet her teacher's gaze. Unlike just a few moments ago, where she'd been looking down at Edelgard with that sorrowful gaze, she's _smiling._ Ah, Edelgard's forgotten how beautiful that smile is. Just seeing it is enough to bring a fresh wave of tears, pooling up in her eyes. She can only manage a soft sniffle as the clear drops of liquid tumble, dripping onto the floor.

She feels a pair of arms circle around her, embracing her. Byleth is so _warm._ It's as comforting as she remembers it. Swallowing a heavy lump in her throat, she weakly grasps onto Byleth's coat, like how she used to on nights where she couldn't sleep.

A soft whisper, "See? It's fine. Everything will be okay," Byleth tightens her grip on Edelgard. Though she cannot see Edelgard's expression, she smiles, tinged with regret, "You must be so, so exhausted, right?"

Edelgard is about to object. She's about to cough up another excuse, like the ones she's used the previous nights.

_"I can still keep going."_

_"I'm fine."_

They're lies. The biggest lies she's ever spoken. She wants to say another one, she wants to just say "I'm okay," but deep inside it hurts. God, it _hurts._ She misses Byleth too much to the point of breaking. Just thinking about it, that small part of her that still believes that Byleth would one day return, is enough to drive her crazy. But like this, wrapped in Byleth's familiar warmth, her scent that Edelgard knows all too well, she feels...safe. Comforted. At ease.

She curls her fingers, digging into the fabric of Byleth's coat, only able to let out a soft "It hurts," an admission that stabs at her. She doesn't have to explain how, why--she's sure Byleth knows already. And even if she doesn't, she doesn't pry, only hugging Edelgard tighter as tears continue to spill from Edelgard's eyes, staining Byleth's jacket.

"I'm sure it does," Byleth whispers quietly, a gentle voice, the same one that would never fail to comfort Edelgard on those restless, sleepless nights. "Rest, Edelgard. You deserve it.

Just let go, now."

Edelgard is so tired. If this is a dream, then she might as well make the full use of it. It sounds so very tempting, to just forget everything. The war, the sacrifices she's made, her ideals. The Church, the Crests, all of it. Gripping Byleth's jacket for dear life, as if she could get blown away at any second, she takes a deep breath.

A single, final stray tear falls as she closes her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> Did anyone notice how I rarely ever used Edelgard's name in the scenes with only her in it? If you did, that was completely intentional! I don't really know why, though. I wanted more...impact. I hope I was able to convey that!
> 
> On another note, I definitely didn't expect to write as much as I did for this idea. I really enjoyed writing this, though, it was surprisingly a lot of fun.
> 
> Thank you for reading and see you soon! (Hopefully.)
> 
> A shout out to [WhereDragonsSleep](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhereDragonsSleep) for helping me doublecheck this!


End file.
